Authentic Communication

Today, we are invited into a conversation about observing how we communicate with ourselves and with others. So many of us were taught not to ask for what we wanted or needed. If we did, we would be denied or even punished. Instead, we learned that we “should” keep things to ourselves, deny our thoughts and feelings, and take care of others first.

In turn, we often did not express our needs and desires because we came to believe that if someone really loved us they would “get it,” read our minds, or “figure it out.” In addition, we may have intentionally obfuscated our communication to avoid vulnerability and/or because we did not feel worthy or deserving. Furthermore, we may have had over the top reactions to things because we felt that we otherwise would not be heard.

Our patterns of communication may have unconsciously become a means of protecting ourselves from the manipulation and control we experienced as children. They also may have become a way to avoid intimacy with others and, especially, with ourselves.

Take the time today to reflect and observe the ways in which you communicate with others and with yourself. Step back and be as objective as possible.

Are you speaking your thoughts and feelings from your heart with respect and sincerity?

Are you being honest?

Do you need to be more honest? Do you have resistance to being honest? Why?

What tone are you using? Are you aware of what you are communicating through your tone or posture? Is the voice you use to speak to others the same voice that you use to speak to yourself?

Are you being clear?

Are you asking for clarity when you do not understand something?

Are you listening to the words that are being used, or are you interpreting what is being said through your filters that have been created from your traumas? Are you using this as a means of self-sabotage or self-fulfilling prophecy?

Are others listening to your words, or are they interpreting what you are saying through their filters?

Are you giving another permission to ask for what they need? And, are you giving yourself permission to have boundaries when others make requests of you? Are you willing to give yourself permission to ask for what you need?

This analysis requires us to be radically honest and not too hard on ourselves. It also allows us to create a foundation for heart-felt exchange and deeper intimacy that is aligned with our boundaries and integrity. If we are willing to be really honest, this analysis will help deconstruct the old patterns communication that we have learned and allow us to speak our thoughts and feelings from our hearts.

As we become more and more able to communicate in an authentic and aligned way, our experience of the world changes.

Indeed, this analysis has the ability to transform all of our relationships, perhaps most of all the relationship with ourself as we learn to honor and love ourself. When we love ourselves, everyone benefits.

Are you willing to be in more of your authentic, heart-centered self in all of your communication today?